This is the death of the orange fantasy

I have moved to blackholeinside

Tooth Ache

last monday evening, my tooth ached so damn sakittt that i had to go home and go on half-day for work. before going to work, its already aching but i could still bear the pain. i actually have a very high pain tolerance level so for me to abandon my work (because the blasted pain-killers won't work) is a very great achievement for that toothache. Ü

i was supposed to have a root canal instead of having my tooth extracted but the pain was so hellish that i just pleaded with the dentist to pull it out. now the dentist asked me if i can tolerate the pain (dentists don't usually pull out a tooth if it ached the day or night before) and the pain told me to go for it. when the dentist injected the local anesthetic, i convinced myself that it would not hurt and it didn't! in fact, i cannot even feel my entire head. ha!

because of the whole riggamarow, i was not able to go to work, attend my training etc... etc... etc... . good thing was i was able to make a lot of progress in my movie knowledge... movie marathon, yippeee!!! Ü

eclipsed

when i come to think about my situation in my relationship... it seems that i have a lot of expectations about our relationship. i'm not saying that i am not happy with the relationship but as i picture the relationship, there is always a lot more room for improvement. i've planned so many times to tell my loved one what my feelings are but when we're together, it seems that by being there... being close to me... the love that i feel for him eclipses all the trouble... the insecurities that i feel. he makes me feel loved. i feel at home and safe with him. for the bad things just go away and dissipate.

♥♥♥ happy valentine's day ♥♥♥

Surprised

Two nights ago, I called my boyfriend to tell him that I wanted to meet with him Tue afternoon because I missed him already. Considering that he had a job to do, he said that he will look and see if our rendezvous could be accomodated but I decided to be my old nagging self and irritated him all the more.

After my shift, I realized that I was acting selfishly so I called him during lunch and apologized. He took it well and told me that he will try to meet up with me. I was thinking then that it would be more likely that we will not meet anymore considering his schedule so I just put it off.

With that mindset, I set off and tried to sleep through the middle of the afternoon. However, my friend's mom came to our house for a visit and I was woken to entertain her, with good-morning-hair and all. Ü For about an hour, we were talking about their family because they were actually in a middle of a crisis. It was all so dramatic and heart-wrenching that I could not help but feel so tsismoso. At around 4pm, my mom had to leave for work and Tita Loi came with her. I was left alone in our house.

I decided to watch TV instead but after a few minutes, my boyfriend came in our front door, smiling from ear to ear because he was able to surprise me. I was so glad because he was able to come after all.

He was tired from work so we decided to just lie in my room and cuddle. I would be kidding if it was the only thing that happened but let's skip that and go on. We slept, me in his arms till 8pm which made him late for his meeting for that night in the school that he was teaching in.

I felt guilty about it but he reassured me that it is not my fault so everything that evening went really well. Hee hee heee! That's all I'm willing to share. Hee hee hee Ü♥

im so happy!

Ü

What Matters Most?

On my way to work, I was listening to the bus music and it played the song What Matters Most. I don't know why but when it came to the chorus, I cried. I thought about my relationship right now and all the fights that my love and I had and I realized I'm so concerned about the things that could have been different and what I could have done so we could avoid those situations.

I'm so concerned about a lot of things like meeting often, hearing sweet words (that I demand constantly from my Yuki) and his manners. I want to have a perfect relationship, one that would fit into my mold and I am so blinded by that desire that I forgot the real reason for the relationship.

I think I should be contented with the fact that we love each other. The song sort of became an epiphany.

threes

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Richard
2. Chad
3. Rich

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1.rchrd19
2. rchrd
3. rikki

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.creative ako
2. ang aking kulay kalawang na buhok
3. ang aking alindog!

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. paranoid ako
2. minsan immature
3. my tendency to nag

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. spiders
2. maiwan mag-isa ng mahal ko
3. mapunta sa impyerno

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. cellphone
2. comb
3. SASSYNESS!

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. t-shirt na pang 14 yrs old
2. hang ten socks
3. Adidas Sport Fever cologne

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. enya
2. alanis morissette
3. phil collins

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. King of Pain (alanis version)
2. To You I Belong (B*witched)
3. You'll be in my Heart (Phil Collins)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. live independent from my family
2. not to worry about stuff
3. go to Boracay

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Loyalty
2. Assurance
3. Passion

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. hair
2. eyelashes
3. abs

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. not nag and mang-okray
2. shut up
3. loose my Yuki

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. drawing
2. writing
3. blogging

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1.umuwi sa bahay
2. magpamasahe
3. buy another phone

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. psychologist sa canada/japan
2. poet
3. teach in japan

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1.Japan
2. Ireland
3. New Zealand

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Althea
2. Jubilation
3. Haru

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. write a book with historical significance
2. see and be with the sidhe
3. maging mayamang-mayaman

THREE CRUSHES:
1. V*$n!o
2. R*m%s
3. hindi ko alam pangalan e...